Why dont you just stop?

5 May

This question still plagues me.  I have friends that still have problems with prescription drugs.  I have been through the addiction to prescription drugs and I still ask, why don’t they just stop.  I did right?  I hear all the time they have to hit their bottom.  everyone’s bottom is different.  It has taken me a lot of time and work to truly come to a place where I understand what prompted me to quit. ( My bottom.)  I didn’t lose everything.  Plenty but not everything, they people I know are loosing things at an alarming rate their bottom is getting worse and worse yet still no prompt to quit.  Loosing my job abruptly and in a way that I could not get another one in my field without my addiction coming out and being well-known by my family and friends was a help.  There was no more hiding I had to tell what was happening.  I then had a family that said okay we love you and will  be here but this is over.  If it’s not you can leave now.  I remember thinking wow what happened to unconditional love.  I now know that setting this boundary was huge in my recovery.  They were saying we love you despite what you have done, now decide keep the love or keep the drug.  they refused to be harmed by my addiction!   I chose love but others don’t.  I think that by the time I heard those words I had detoxed a couple of days.  This helped because of a few things number one I was highly humbled by detox.  Despite being sick I was thinking with a clear mind for the first time in months.  Being so sick I needed help and was willing to do anything to relieve the immense guilt and sickness I felt.  There was also a huge lack of denial on my part that I had a problem.  Early on someone refered me to an NA website where I read about who’s an addict.  By that time I knew I was but, to read it, well that set it in stone.  I guess when I look back on my own experience I realize I had the perfect storm for recovery.  Realization of a problem, lack of secrecy, family that set immediate and strong boundaries and those willing to jump in to get me help.  I’d like to stress get me help.  Sometimes we want to help our friends , I know I do.  The truth is that when someone is close to you its inappropriate for us to be the help.  We go get it, support it and love, we can’t be the help.  Even Dr’s know they can’t operate on family members even though they want to help.  A final piece for me was that a few weeks earlier while in church I felt huge conviction to get my problem taken care of.  I cried I wept I admitted I couldn’t stop and needed help but never asked for it even though I knew I should right then.  Of course I believe God works in mysterious ways.  I would not have wanted help like that but now see it was probably the jolt I needed to get me to quit loving the drug and accept the love of God and family.  So why don’t you just stop?  The circumstances have to bring the addict to a place of a “bottom”.  We need to just remember to be there for them when it comes.  Be there to bring and get them help, and provide boundaries and love.  It is frustrating this disease, mess, choice, whatever you want to call it, remember the person you love as they were before and pray for them to return but we have to know that setting a boundary is for their benefit as much as ours!  I’d love to hear how others have gotten clean or your bottom, or how your dealing with people you love who are addicted.  There is healing in sharing our thoughts and experiances!


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