NA work

26 Jul

I was asked to explore why I enjoyed drugs, ofcourse to know and acknowledge them as perceptions and allign them with reality.  So I wrote this short explanation!  A letter to my drug, narcotics.


When we first met I enjoyed your company.  We would see each other maybe once a year for the occasional emergency.  We would say hi, do lots of chatting and laughing together.  Then you would leave.  I would miss you for a day or so but life went on.  We did this dance for several years.  Life was becoming hectic and overwhelming.  There were times I felt I was drowing.  You came with a smile.  My  eyes opened and I took a deep breathe.  I had not breathed like that in a long time.  The breathe that relaxes your entire body and numbs you gently.  I love you at that moment.  I want this to never end.  Chasing you to the ends of the earth to keep that feeling was more important than life had ever been.  So we began meeting nightly.  Those sweet nights.   Soon just at night was not enough I need you in the morning.  I felt so alive when I had you.  Everything was possible nothing was impossible.  You began speaking to me in new ways.  You showed me that we could share true intimacy if i would allow you to take a more direct approach.  I needed you with me all of the time and more of you was what I was after.  There was pain at first but the blood was drawn and you entered in my world was complete.  I breathed deeply and later awoke to you gone.   You told me you would come to me again if I would forsake all others and search for you only and I did.  Our first days together in this new way were wonderful.  I began to look forward to the pain because I knew what you would do for me if I made it pass being uncomfrotable.  You never failed to deliver on that promise. 

Then something changed.  You began to leave me.  i needed so much of you that I couldnt find you anywhere.  This can’t be right.  We were going to take on the world together.  Why would you leave me.  Maybe if I searched harder?  You had this planned from the beginning I now see.  You tempted me with laughter, love and energy.  Now no matter how I try I cannot find you.  I have lost everything including you. 


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