Detox! How was it?

There is an exclamation point here for detox!  I did a lot of reading once I realized this was happening.  You hear about it on TV, in classes, and in general I knew what this meant.  This is your bodies reaction to taking away something that it has become dependent on right?  Well, if you are going through it or have been through it you know that all the reading in the world does not do justice to what happens to your body.  This is in no way my guide to detox, I was very uneducated as to what can and did happen to my body and mind.  Again I just am sharing my experience.

Day one dealing with the craving that morning was bad.  I was used to taking medication first thing in the morning so I felt this was a very mental process to start.  After some learning we realize most of our problem is mental and of the brain so this was to be expected.  I knew that mentally I wanted the drugs and had prepared myself for this.  What I wasn’t prepared for was what followed.  As the day went on I noticed this ache over my body.  There was stiffness, pure fatigue and a heightened awareness to even the slightest touch.  As the day grew on this became severe pain and severe fatigue.  Then the crying set in.  Just a few tears here and there unexpectedly when thinking of things sad.  I would like to say that this was the end of day one, unfortunately day one did not end for me until 7 am the next morning.  This was only because I could say it had been 24 hours not because I actually slept to end the day.  That night I had tried to sleep, with everything in me I tried, but it never came not even a minute.  But for time period sake I will try to break it down to days. 

So day two.  I have never been so sick in my life!  I could not eat, was able to force some soda for pure sugar satisfaction as to not pass out from low glucose!  I could barely move the pain all over my body was excruciating.  The depression severe.  Constant crying or staring into space. Every nerve ending in my body was awake and firing ridiculously.  Tears felt like acid running down my face they were so hot.  The chills had set in with constant shivering which caused my body to tense and increase pain.  Though I felt severely cold I was sweating profusely.  I was not eating but had severe diarrhea and vomiting.   By the  end of day two, which again 7 in the morning, I was crawling back and forth to the bathroom and had put blankets on the floor because I could not get into bed.   I was at 48 hours no sleep.  Why no sleep?  What I didn’t expect was when they say you are “kicking the habit”  they literally mean kicking, because the restless legs were horrendous. 

Day three was basically the same.  The trips to the bathroom had decreased probably due to pure dehydration.  However after three days of not eating and barely drinking I was still vomiting and having diarrhea but nothing came out.  I assume my stomach and intestines were still having spasms from the shock.  Not real sure what that’s called but if you have experienced it, you are sure to know how pleasant this is! 

 Day four things began to turn around.  Still no sleep, restless legs severe, was able to walk so fatigue improving, pain still severe.  I felt horrible this day but, definitely an improvement from previous days.  My cravings were very strong.  It was as if I felt just good enough to mentally realize that a few little pills could make me whole again!  I found this to be a day of mind tricks.  Almost like a last-ditch effort by your brain and body to say “don’t do this”.  I also believe lack of sleep was a huge factor here.  I thought of the strangest things.  The true beginning of processing what had happened had began to truly sink in.  For most of us, getting even a glimpse of things we have been trying to escape for so long is highly depressing.  I did not contemplate suicide, but I have heard that many do around this time. 

Day five doing better. Depression still strong but, I am moving around and this does help.  On the night of day five I slept for two hours.  This was the best two hours I had ever had in my life.  It was three more days before I slept again but once it came it only got better each night!  I began eating soup on day five.  Then not again for two days due to severe vomiting etc.  This was basically one of the worst weeks of my life!  I have never been sicker.  I had thought I knew what sick was but found out quickly I had no clue. 

Had I of known then what I know now, I would not have attempted “cold turkey” style detox at home.  The amount and types of drugs I was taking, the detox should have been medically supervised.  For me however this would have meant that I would have had to inform someone that I was actually detoxing.  At this point and time noone officially knew I had an addiction problem ( meaning coworkers suspected).  My family at this point and time after being suspended from work, detoxing etc.   had no idea of what was going on until day five.   So if I had stroked out, had a seizure or heart attack there was no one who could have stepped up to say what was going on.  VERY DANGEROUS!


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