Addicted nurse

As I sat in the office I could hardly breathe.  I truly cannot remember most of what was said.  It felt like I was in a dream.  After proclaiming my innocence  I was ushered to a private office to ensure my privacy.  There I was asked to provide urine and a blood sample.   I have never felt so ashamed and low.  Part of me felt that I should just stop all of this, tell the truth, and take the punishment.  I did not do that.  When I got home I went and hid myself in my room.  You would think I would have been scared straight, not so.  The next day I tried damage control, to be truthful I don’t really remember most of this day due to the 24 Percocets I had taken.  When I look back at even this brief description of how my confrontation went I cannot believe my actions before, during and after.  Unfortunately there is no changing what has happened.  Two days after my confrontation laying in the bed, staring at the ceiling it occurred to me that it was over.  There was no more hiding, lying, stealing, cheating or feeling good.  I felt huge relief at the first few but, I had 100% convinced myself that I could not live nor even survive without drugs.  At that moment I had no idea what I was going to do, how to survive, how to live only that it was all over.

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